Halfway There

it’s been a weird week, a very weird mix of wonderful and terrible, which has made things a little difficult. i’ve experienced some things that have me practically begging for home, and others that make me never want to leave. the latter is definitely what i should focus on more. it’s a quiet day so far. a little melancholy, but that could be because i’m listening to music that reminds me of my ex. the air is cool and the sky is grey. think i’ll take a walk soon.

sometimes i have difficulty writing these posts—it can be hard striking an appropriate balance of honesty, restlessness, optimism and sadness. admittedly i’ve been wishing for home a lot this past week. i miss my friends. i miss going to the bars and not having to worry as much about creepy men. i miss doing laundry at lee’s. i miss living a block from austin. i miss waking up knowing that ashley and manon are in the next room. i miss living in a culture not so dominated by a machismo attitude. i miss having greek yogurt from trader joe’s for breakfast, late-night runs to christian’s, ridiculously large margaritas at lil mex, the smell of my car on a warm afternoon, sharing a smoothie and cookie with jamie at ellwood thompson’s, knowing my sweet horse was waiting for me 30 minutes away, going to apo meetings, watching the leaves change, calling my dad on my walk home from class. i miss a lot of things.

today marks the halfway point of my program: seven weeks down, and seven more to go. i’m happy about this. soon i can put this stupid girl drama behind me. soon i won’t feel scared to take a cab home alone at night. soon i’ll be able to communicate with anyone in my city with ease. soon i’ll be reunited with the people i miss so badly. soon i’ll be in the arms of the boy who stole my heart one week before leaving.

i’m also sad about this. soon i'll no longer be able to take jewelry classes with dafne, one of my favorite things/people in oaxaca. soon i won’t have afternoons filled with nieve and clear skies. soon i won't hang with my host brother on his balcony in the evenings. soon i won’t speak a language i love so much with regularity. soon i won’t have delicious home-cooked meals waiting for me three times a day. soon beautiful, handmade clothing will cost more than $10. soon i may see people i love dearly for the last time.

i realize that my last post was pretty similar, but i’m still struggling to find this balance between being content where i am and longing for where i’m not. if anyone has any advice, i’d love to hear it.

more later...