Despidiéndome

it’s been a while. in terms of inspired, articulated prose, today might not be the best day for me to write--i’m struggling to make sense of my feelings internally, let alone translate them into coherent words that you can understand. still, my heart is here, and i feel now is the right time to shut this door. i’ll keep things short.

i left mexico almost exactly four months ago, surpassing the time i lived there. it certainly doesn’t feel as though it’s been that long, and honestly, i don’t really like thinking about it. i haven’t kissed anita on my way out the door in four months. i haven’t eaten nieve in four months. i haven’t explored the city, worked and laughed in dafné's studio, perused the markets, or watched the sunlight disappear behind the mountains. hardest of all, i haven’t seen chucho. how am i supposed to feel? do i cry for what i’m missing, or rejoice in what i had? should i be thankful that time has passed so quickly, and hope that the trend continues until i’m able to return? am i savoring my life as it currently is? i’d like to think so.

i want to thank oaxaca for fostering the confident, assertive, independent, free-spirited and empathetic woman i am. i cannot accurately express my gratitude or the changes i see in myself, so i’m not going to try. i didn’t stay long enough to know the region, its culture or its people inside and out, but i was certainly there long enough to fall in love with oaxaca and emerge a stronger, more centered being.

i said this back in august and find it’s even more applicable now: i am so happy to be sad. my experiences were so rich and my friendships so deep that i should mourn their departure. my sadness is a mere shadow of the happiness i felt and will continue to cherish for the rest of my life. ¡abrazos!